I have a friend that lost her husband in the summer of 2017. After she wrote a Facebook post about her loneliness, I read responses she had received and was compelled to write my own. The original post was October 12, 2017. I just realized that I posted it on what would have been Jeff and my 32nd wedding anniversary. Maybe it will help deepen understanding to some of you. Maybe it will sooth. I wrote it for my friend because of the cliche “time heals all” invoked a response from a woman still in deep grief decades later. Now you know the catalyst that birthed my words:

No one can tell you anything about your own grief. It is as personal as child birth. It is as unique as your fingerprint. It comes in waves, and over time the frequency and intensity of waves lessens and they don’t drown any more. Over time, we can stand up in the tides. But the waves never fully go away and I would not want them to-it keeps me connected to Jeff. Yet, I know he would want me to be at peace and find joy. My faith in God deepened when Jeff died. Who could I cling to during the long nights? God’s word became necessary for breath. Eventually I was able to reach out of myself and find purpose by helping others. Life is a time of collecting tools for our tool box. This was NOT a tool I wanted. But I got it. Purpose comes with using the tools-or the box gets too heavy for living. You will get there. You will find purpose, not in the death, but in their life and all you have learned by loving them.

It’s all about perspective.

Trusting God with this journey…

Deb